Thursday, March 19, 2009

Back on the Blog Chain: Writing Challenge

Since Michelle has already posted her contribution to our latest blog chain, I'll post mine, even though it's a few days early. For this round, Jessica has issued us a writing challenge:

WRITE! I want a short story. (Mine is 250 words. Feel free to write one hundred, three hundred, five hundred...whatever! words) Yesterday's poem was a hint because it had a heart involved and that's the only stipulation I have. Somehow, someway, heart(s) must be involved.

So far, all of the stories have been incredibly polished, as if everyone spent a month on them instead of a couple of days. We've also had some bitter/sad stories about immortal hearts, bitter hearts, and broken hearts. And now for something completely different. That's right; my story is inspired by Monty Python and The Holy Grail/Spamalot. (Eugene and I saw Spamalot in Chicago the night we got engaged.)

Two Knights, One Heart

Sir Lancelot and Sir Galahad pulled up in front of the evil sorcerer Knogudnis’s castle. The moat was so fetid their horses were able to walk across, despite their heavy armor. After dispatching the zombies spilling out of the portcullis, the knights entered. Inside, a mat of cobwebs draped the hall from the doorway to the staircase at the other end.

“Who dares trespass here?” a booming voice called from above.

Lancelot started to charge the stairs, but Galahad held him back and replied in a falsetto, “Avon calling!”

“I’m not buying!” A door slammed.

“That wasn’t very knightly.” Lancelot stared at his companion in disbelief.

“We need to learn Knogudis’s weakness before we can engage him in combat.” Galahad pulled a parchment titled The Compleat Idiot’s Guide to Slaying Villains from a slot in his armor. He unrolled about a third of the scroll. “Here we are. In order to kill an evil sorcerer, we have to destroy his heart.”

“No problem.” Lancelot unsheathed his sword. “One stab to his chest should take care of that.”

“It’s not that easy, Lance. Sorcerers often magically remove their hearts and hide them in some strange place, such as in a white hare hidden in a black swan hidden in a red doe...”

“Is that like turducken?” Lance smacked his lips. “That’s good eating!”

“What sort of creature is that?”

“You weren’t at the Christmas feast last year, were you, Gal?”

“Don’t call me that.” Galahad smoothed his blond curls back under his helmet and made a mental note that it was time to brave a visit to the barber. “Anyway, we need to search for the hiding place of Knogudnis’s heart.”

Since no maids, buxom or otherwise, were available, the knights were forced to clean the hall by themselves. The cobwebs were so tough they dulled the swords. Eventually, however, the knights discovered furniture, a fireplace, and tapestries on the walls.

“Hey, Gal – I mean Galahad, look at this.” Lance pointed to one of the tapestries. “That’s writing, isn’t it?”

Galahad squinted. “This looks like a reminder list. ‘Notes to Self: The zombies only eat brains, check if you left your wand in your robe before doing the laundry, and your heart is behind the third brick from the left, fifth row of the fireplace.’” He shook his head. “It can’t be that simple. It can’t be...”

A door creaked open. “Are you still there? Begone before I turn you into toads!”

Lancelot approached the fireplace and began counting, referring frequently to his fingers. “Hey, Gala, which way is left?”

Galahad sighed. “It’s this brick.” He tapped one with his sword.

Lancelot unstrapped a battle-axe from his back and swung mightily at the brick. It crumbled into powder on impact. Something dark and shriveled rolled out from a cavity in the fireplace. Galahad skewered the heart with his sword.

A high-pitched wail assaulted their ears, and an emaciated body with white wild hair and gaudy robes tumbled down the stairs to land at their feet.

Galahad prodded the body with a toe, then rolled up his parchment. “Well, no one ever said Knogudnis was a smart evil sorcerer.”

I hope that was good for a chuckle or two. Head on over to Kat's blog to read her story!


Anonymous said...

Loved it! NIce job.

Kat Harris said...


Avon calling.

I love this. It's very Monty Python-esque.

celticqueen said...

LOL okay that was awesome LOL And yeah, the "Avon calling!" had me rolling. Great post!!!

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

I love that you went with a humorous approach! Very funny!

ElanaJ said...

Ha ha! I loved this! What great characters too! Woot!

Annie said...

This made me smile. I loved the part about turducken.

TerriRainer said...

That was so unexpected! Great story and I did chuckle a few times.

:) Terri

H. L. Dyer said...

I have read your story.

And there was much rejoicing. =)

Anonymous said...

Bloody brilliant! Nice job, Sandra, hahaha


Mary Lindsey said...

Loved it. Holy Grail is one of my favorite movies of all time.

"Gal." Tee hee.

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