Interview with the Crusader

For my first Crusader challenge, I'm supposed to introduce myself. There are some very specific requirements on how to do so here. I thought it would be more fun to "show" you my introduction instead of just telling it to you, so here goes:


I waited backstage for my cue as Topaz the talk show hostess bloviated my modest accomplishments into an impressive list. When she called my name, I came out to applause. I wore a nice sweater, jeans, and loafers; she, a gem-studded dress and heels. When we shook hands, she looked up at me with contempt in her eyes. I knew then I'd have to watch what I said. I couldn't let her trick me into confessing how I'd made my son's chocolate rabbit and Halloween candy "disappear," even if it had been for his own good.

"I like your rings," Topaz said. I wear two rings on each hand: engagement and wedding rings on my left hand and rings to celebrate my golden birthday and my son's birth on my right. "Do you wear them all the time?"

"Yes, I do."

"Even when you shower and sleep?"

"Yeah. About the only times I remove them are when I get manicures and when I make meatloaf."

We sat down, and I extemporized a SF story about fuligulines taking over coastal cities that had been flooded after the polar ice caps melted. I passed out plates of homemade cookies to everyone in the audience. Then Topaz and I debated who was the most talented Beatle --I said John, she George--over our meal of spinach pizza, green tea, and brownies. Every time I shifted in my seat, she commanded me to stay still. At one point, she threatened duct tape. I finally had to defend myself with my knife blade and my halfway-to-black-belt martial art skills. I'm never going on her show again!


OK, I made up Topaz and the talk show; however, the details about me are true--but maybe one isn't. My husband couldn't figure out which one it was; can you?