tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18714294.post6829043674539705342..comments2024-03-07T19:11:21.715-06:00Comments on Sandra Ulbrich Almazan: Speculative Fiction Author: Blurb for Fifth SeasonSandra Ulbrich Almazanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15365908651235829765noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18714294.post-80312207513978973492016-08-31T21:53:23.092-05:002016-08-31T21:53:23.092-05:00Thanks to all of you for your feedback! Back to th...Thanks to all of you for your feedback! Back to the drawing board....Sandra Ulbrich Almazanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15365908651235829765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18714294.post-85319092651078747152016-08-31T16:22:31.825-05:002016-08-31T16:22:31.825-05:00I'd avoid starting two paragraphs with "W...I'd avoid starting two paragraphs with "When". I agree with Alex that the first line doesn't give us enough tension.<br /><br />You might want to cut this line: Distracting her from her task...<br /><br />It takes away from the main thrust of the conflict--the strange creatures.Maria Zanninihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01604862636922299273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18714294.post-82648909294790342722016-08-31T09:52:32.552-05:002016-08-31T09:52:32.552-05:00It's on the long side. Try to winnow it down a...It's on the long side. Try to winnow it down a little.PT Dillowayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09394481476862013009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18714294.post-58802009339768291092016-08-31T05:34:52.514-05:002016-08-31T05:34:52.514-05:00It's a great start. I think the first line nee...It's a great start. I think the first line needs to be more dire. Endanger or threaten instead of jeopardize?<br />And in the second paragraph, shouldn't it be 'are the responsibilities' or 'is the responsibility?' (Sorry, nitpicking. And not sure which one fits.)<br />Two a year? Wow. So, one every other year isn't good, is it?Alex J. Cavanaughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09770065693345181702noreply@blogger.com